First World Problems?

Recently I've been hitting the wall of emotions, fighting with myself mentally about my current state. Not that I am in any illness or what not, I just do not like myself as much now. (Going to use this platform to lay down all my problems and try to change it. My mind is so puzzled, up till one point I'm not sure why do I really dislike myself. - Thank god I still have that tad bit of positivity/urge to improve)

1. Diet
• After quitting my old job (for about a year), I start to lose the good habit of taking care of myself. I do not eat on time or you can say that I only eat one meal per day? I take Ice Long Black as my daily breakfast and lunch meal, only a proper dinner with carbs and protein. My body feels so trashy.
• In order to go with my plan to conceive next year this kind of habit needs to be eliminated. You won't have a healthy body to feed another life in your body, Emily. 
2. Waking up at PM daily isn't a way to live
• I know it sounds very lavish that I manage to live the life of waking up in the afternoon. Sound so carefree, right? But in reality, I start to hate it now. I used to love it so much (sleepyhead), but I recently I feel that I've been wasting so much of my time on that and missing out on what a 27 years old women should do - fighting for your future...And this leads to the next point.
3. Looking down on myself
• Because of point 2 above, it makes a hyper-lazy-person. I lose the momentum to work, I brush my dreams aside (procrastinating), I became a woman that is lifeless and suddenly someone without an aim. And I hate it, cause since young I've always wanted to be someone that others can look up, someone that is capable of buying any lifestyle that I want (and not relying on others... well, not that I am relying on others now, just that my income now is not capable of feeding myself the ideal lifestyle that I imagined).
• I don't even look up on myself, how would others look up on me (yes, I am egoistic AF). 
4. Stagnant
• I have two jobs now. Both aren't growing. Partly because of point 2 and 3, and partly it is because that I start to see more and more similar concept out there is doing the same thing as what I want to do. 
• Which, this leads me to have a mental conversation w myself - "Emily, you know how to confront and push someone not to be afraid to start something, but why are you being a hypocrite yourself?". "There are so many similar things out there, Zara, Mango, F21, Topshop etc they are all selling the same fast forward fashion clothing. But they can still survive themselves. Why can't yours compete with your competitors too?" Chicken.

Hmmm... maybe that's all. First world problems, huh? Now that I've listed down all the shit, I need to start planning where should I start. Perhaps even a goal list and a strict timeline for myself. If I do come out with a goal checker list with a timeline. I'll share it here (not that anyone would read my blog, but I want to use this place to track myself).

And oh... I am quitting cigarettes. Which also means, less alcohol. Oh well, this should be another post. 

kbai.

xx

update 27Aug13

Hello! (feeling weird that if I don't start with a "Hello"...LOL.. it's manners!!) Anyways, I am back in Malaysia, for good. Although I just came back for two days, but it feels like I've came back for a week already, I'll blame the jetlag problem. 

Coming back home is not as pleasant as I expected. First, you need to deal with all the questioning from the elderly about your future plans as well as your experience abroad. So, basically you're repeating the same old answer to almost everyone who asked you. Sometimes I rather print a piece of my answer and just let them read it - which it will be "none of your business" (LOL! how I wish I can really answer that). 

Secondly, you need to start reorganising your life back here. For instant, start looking for job as you will no longer have any allowance from your family. They (family) basically cut me off everything, no allowance, no credit card, just only eating up my own savings. I guess this is a good stress to motivate you to look for a job asap so that you will have money to spend on necessity stuff. Especially in a condition without a vehicle at home (whereby I stay in a jungle, there is no public transport around the neighbourhood), it has gave me extra motivation (and difficulty) to land a job asap cause it has given you no choice but be a good girl to stay at home to send resume out and not going out to hang out with your friends. I admit that I am half paralysed without a car. So... I need to buy my own car soon (kancil will be nice)!

Lastly, which I considered it the most hassle of all. Rearranging you stuff to have more space for all the goods you bought while you're away. I don't know about most people, but I have several boxes of stuff to fit into my tiny little room. I am still headache about where should I keep those stuff. I'll think about this issue later when the boxes arrived KL. 

Oh well. by the time you read this sentence you will realised that you just read a whole piece of crappy story of mine being home. LOL!

This is the current me. 

Free eye bags for anyone.

call 1800-EYE-BAGS to redeem your free eye bags.

LOL

xoxo

emilyccz

Heading back.

21 September 2011, it is the day when I first reach London. 

Today, 23 Aug 2013, is my last night in London.

Time flies. In a blink of eye, two years has passed so quickly that you don't even have the time to realise it. Now, I am officially a graduated, it is time for me to start a new chapter. I'll take tomorrow's flight back as my vehicle of transition, it is bringing me to another life, a new life that is full of uncertainty.

If you ask me if I will miss London, I will say no, not that I dislike here but I'll say I will miss the carefree life here more than this place. Seriously, I really feel that I am one of the luckiest girl. Despite all the family issues, I feel that I am still very lucky to be born in this family. Compared to other friends, I may not have as much love they got from their family, but I am lucky enough that my family enables to support and respect me for most of my decisions, especially this decision of coming abroad to study something that I could probably learn in Malaysia. I must say "Thank You Pa, Ma".

Coming here to study is not just about the certificate you got (not that I went into some prestigious or any world's top 10 universities), but it is also about learning to be independent (duh!) and to see the world and yourself in a different perspective. One of the greatest lesson will be the skills to deal with people and the skills to surpress yourself (especially your ego) because in reality, the world doesn't revolve around you. This is something that  I am still learning. It is easy to say, but it is not an easy job to act!

Another thing that I learnt is to be independent and strong?!. Not to say cooking, cleaning or wtv, but independent in a way that you will need to force yourself to do all things by yourself, learn to face shitty days yourself and stepping out of your comfort zone to deal with most of the things. This makes me realised that the saying that you came to this world alone, and you will leave this world alone, so don't dependent on someone for you life. I guess in a way, I've experience the saying here - I am no longer the little sisters that always have sisters to back you up or the little pampered girlfriend that have boyfriend to help you and face most of the difficulties together, I just need to face and to DIY for most of the things. I don't know if this is a good thing or not, it somehow make you feel that you've started to built a protection wall around yourself. Oh well. I'll say that you just need to know when to build that wall up and when to let it go. Just think positive (also something that I learn here - I called it the self-persuasion skills or self-brainwash skills)! Law of attractions okaaaaay!! LOL!

What else? I'm not sure...But I know meeting a bunch of good friends is a definite! Because they are like your mini family here. =) They are the one who can understand your situation the most, and probably they are the only one who enable to help you during your difficulties here (not that I am very problematic here, but just saying...). And of course, they are the one who to have a share of common memory with you, be it good or bad. =') So I am glad to have this little family here. They taught me stuffs, they helped me, most of all they took good care of me.

OMG... why suddenly so sentimental. wtf. anyway... I guess that is all for today. I am still very sick of typing. it reminds me of my assignments and the long nights in uni. 

Oh well...

I shall end with a very round face of mine (for those people who do not believe that I gain weight, please refer to my face below. That is the current me!) 

A very touristic pic no? =D

toodles!

emilyccz

A day in Amesbury and Oxford.

Waddap! Sorry about neglecting this place. I know almost every post of mine started with an apology for not updating the blog frequent enough. Sorry about that! It's just that during this one or two there has been a lot of things juggle and it definitely needed my full attention. =/ Will talk about it when I have the time to post more. =)

Anyway. This post was kind of backdated to July where my parents came over for a visit and I've brought them to Amesbury aka Stonehenge and Oxford town. Bare with me about the limited pictures that I got, because I've kept my hard disk into the luggage and I only got these pictures that is from the phone with me. (urgh... this makes me wonder why do I take so little with my phone?! And most of them are in bad photography skill.) LOL!

 On the way to Amesbury! Have you ever wonder why is all the buildings are so well maintain? This is something that Malaysia government should learn from the European countries - maintaining and preserving the old buildings instead of tearing it down one by one.

 I think this is everywhere. I'd say this is by far a quite successful campaign! People are buying not because of the drink, but the name on it. For instant, like me. I don't like to drink Coke nor any soft drink, but I got it because of my name is there.

 The small little town of Amesbury. Trust me, it is a very very very small town. It is probably even small than Cheras.

What's better than a pint of beer during the hot summer weather right?

So.. here's a picture of us and the stones. Seriously, I don't see the point of driving 1.5 hours west to see a few stones, cause other than the stones, there is pretty much nothing there but empty land and roads. Oh well!

p/s: Btw, this picture is taken by a tourist by just a take! (LOL! To me it is quite impressive for someone to take perfect jump shot picture by just a click!)

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At first,  when Fendi suggested to visit Oxford, I was very reluctant towards the idea because one of my friend used to study there and she had described to be that it is a very small and boring place. So I kind of imagined it to be like Amesbury. But at last after discussing about the plan, I've agreed to pay a visit to this place and it turn out to be out of my expectation. It is quite a nice place! Although it is a small town, but it is filled with lots of interesting shops (especially the vintage flea market that open every Thursday from morning to 3pm) and restaurants to visit!

 Maybe is because of the prestigious Oxford University is located here, and with all the well maintained old buildings here, I feel like I am in some Harry Potter town. #LOL. Probably the people who stay/study in Oxford might laugh at me about my description.

 I guess people used to exchange corns last time? Barter system? I dont know, you tell me about it.

LOOK!!  No Harry Potter feel??? >=/

LOL! Sorry I don't have any pictures of me here. 

I was too busy looking to toilet while I'm in Oxford - thanks to the beer + coffee I had earlier.

So here is a picture of Mr Grumpy as he is the designated driver/tour guide/peace maker/nanny of this trip.

I guess that is all for today!

xoxo.

emilyccz

short update

Hello there!

It's been quite some time since I last blogged. Yes, I've been neglecting it due to all the events and occasions lately. Not to say that I have a very active and happening month earlier, but all I could say it is quite a tiring month for me. I guess most of my friends may have the same feeling when you family come and visit you, and you are obligated to bring them out and be their very best tour guide and try not to let them down. IT.IS.VERY.TIRING! (not to say that I am not happy that my parents actually clear up their schedule and purposely fly to come visit me, but when you have a shopaholic mom and chillax and hot tempered dad, it is very hard to please both at the same time.[FULL STOP])

Now that they left me, it suppose to be more relax and chill for me. However I've decided to dedicate all my time pack my shit up and ship it back to Malaysia as I plan to head back home earlier than I planned. Up till now I can't believe how I came to London with 40kgs and I am going back with 6 x 30++kgs of boxes, not including the 40kgs baggage allowance I have. I guess I have my mom's gene huh? Plus I'm abit of hoarder, don't really like to throw things. Everything has a nostalgic meaning / feeling behind it!!

Anyway, will post more things up soon. =)

xoxo

emilyccz

Barcelona Day 1

Hello peeps!

Today I'm bringing you back to Spain. After the Mallorca trip with the girls, HsinYe and I decided that we should separate with the girls and stop by Barcelona for a short trip before we head back to London. So, here's the trip! 

LOL! trying their tap water? Taste like metal... =/

La Rambla!

We had ice cream/ gelato almost everyday during the trip... Fatness overload!

#touristbeingtourist taking pictures while being very caution with the handbag.

The famous La Boqueria market. Too bad all the stalls are closing when we reach, apparently there's a lot of nice food there. =/

inside the market.

chocolates!! I mean expensive chocolates! (it cost us 11 euros for five pieces of chocolates... because the chocolates are counted by weight..so choose the smaller ones if you want to try more variety of it.)

Our expensive 11euros chocolate. 

One of Barcelona's attractions which I don't understand about it. The dragon look like something we can simply find in chinatown. (someone please tell me the story behind this dragon)

I just realise why is the building behind slanting?? =/

Our very failed tapas, which I think La Bodega serve a better tapas than them. 

Button mushroom with olive and patatas with "chili sauce" (which taste like thousand island sauce). 

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 Lesson learnt! Do not look for cheap restaurants, look for restaurants with reasonable price that serve good food!

Our squid ink paella.

Oh.. last but not least, my #ootd. Top: Primark // Pants & leather jacket : Topshop // Bag: Zara

Jump shot #1: La Rambla 

Adios!

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Our Barcelona Day 1 travelogue. =] Enjoy!

xoxo




emilyccz